The Biscuit Barrel

Silliness, or a deep metaphor for modern angst?

Archive for septembrie 2012

Lessons of Skyrim

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1. The people of Skyrim don’t appreciate you calling their country Skyrim. They pronounce it Sweden, and they call themselves swedish. Act and talk accordingly in public.

2. Moose are more dangerous than dragons and allegedly more delicious. It’s why everyone hunts them.

3. Nothing is spicy in Skyrim unless you are going to buy it from the Redguards or the chinese shops. Those actually know what spicy means.

4. The denizens of ”Sweden” have a drinking problem, so all the booze at ye olde shoppe is actually light beer/cider. All the proper drinks are in a government run store that you have to go to during the day. Nobody judges you buying 3 liter bags of wine, because everyone is doing it.

5. Cars are peaceful animals, for the most part. Don’t let this lull in vehicular violence get you off your guard. It only takes one car to introduce you to the pavement in an insistent fashion.

6. You can camp anywhere in Skyrim for 24h, much like the in-game sleeping. However while you sleep people may try and rob you,  people may shoot you because you look like a moose (because of sleepwalking with antlers on, i don’t know your life) or moose my confuse you and thing you are a moose. If this is the wrong time of the year you’ll wish you can forget that night, and there ain’t enough tequila in the world to get that out of your head.

7. The water and the air are great, buth food will always taste strange. Also bread is expensive.

8. The dragons don’t move as much as i expected, they are rather statuesque and they don’t eat too many people.

More soon.

Written by CyberFaust

septembrie 25, 2012 at 2:22 pm