The Biscuit Barrel

Silliness, or a deep metaphor for modern angst?

Archive for martie 15th, 2010

I hit my head today

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Billy looked at the dark foreboding sky, his faser at his waist. It was useless now, it’s battery hadn’t run out. It was mostly the fact that it was a toy that made it more than useless. But faith gives power. The ongoing war proved that. In the sky a billion microscopic particles danced around in eddies. They were once houses, cars, cute puppies and, of course, trekkies and star wars fans alike. He crawled back into his mortar-made foxhole. Who would have thought belief would go that far.

The third war wasn’t caused by such beliefs as chrestianity, or muslims. It had nothing to do with the terrorist attack sthat happened around the time it started. That was just a sideshow attraction. The internet made a lot of things happen in the world. It brought cultures together and it allowed for unprefedented communication between the peoples of earth but they only really used it to watch twisted porn from other parts fo the world (a heads up to you here, Japan!) and to throw shit at one another becaause of diferences in opinion. SOmetimes just for the sake of it. It was for ”Teh LOLZ” as it were. The whole thing escalated insanely. Seeing the power they could wield the new masters of the most indoctrinated people in the world decided to fight each other in a long campaign that started with lolcats and demotivationals and ended in full fledged murder.

The bombing of Vulcan, Alberta by the Rogue Squadron started it all.

They had the wish but lacked the way to do it. Ebay, however, was there to help and sold them a couple of old B52s which they subsequently used to bomb the living daylights out of the place. When, in the light of this tragedy, all George Lucas did was laugh, Shatner rallied his troups.  Starfleet was born and in the coming war many a red shirt died on the blades of variously coloured lightsabers. Soon American Suburbia fell, followed by the cities. As all of civilisation fell to insane fandom. Soon, from deep in the wild, the great rednecks rose and atempted to gain their own territory. The war was then fought on three fronts. Neither of the parties even considering allies. Down are the days of infinite variety in infinite combinations. There can be only one winner in the great war of atrition that stretches the globe. Soon, nuclear fallout had come to pass.

Flashback done, Jimmy, no, wait, Billy, the Shatnerite in a foxhole created by a stray imperial morter round dies of a surprising hasbro lightsaber stab to the neck. His soul floated away through his fake vulcan ears in much the same way a brick doesn’t.

The ears themselves are another story alltobether, collected by squads of jedi and word around their neck to probe their skill.

Written by CyberFaust

martie 15, 2010 at 12:36 pm

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