The Biscuit Barrel

Silliness, or a deep metaphor for modern angst?

John Malkovich fucks James-imafilthyamericanbritwholikestokilleverythingeverinexistencewithmybarehands Bond in the ass on a sex swing that was home-made by George Clooney

with one comment

burn-after-reading-posterYes, am decis sa scriu iar pe blog again, you may weep of joy my faithful audience of about 3 people. Lucrul care m-a facut sa vreau sa scriu aici a fost mersul azi pe la cinematograf si seeing Brad Pit getting a shot in the face from George clooney with a beard and a twitchy face. Da, toata lumea imbatraneste, even your idols and even the people you hate. Desigur asta nu scuza cu nimic ca uni dintre idolii copilariei mele will die of cancer or some other horrible affliction any time soon but allas, that is the way with plants and monkeys and glow-in-the-dark monkeys on a stick. One on each end. Ideea este ca tocmai am vazut un film foarte cool, care e un fel de „spy movie” cu nici un spion, lucrul cel mai apropiat de spioni din tot filmul este un analist CIA care va ramane nenumit pentru ca mi-e lene sa schimb TAB-ul ca sa ma uit la pagina de IMDB pe care o am deschisa. In orice caz am preferat sa scriu toata chestia asta si sa iti spun ca este jucat de catre J. Malkovich.

I don’t think i want to excuse myself sau apologize for it, also. Fuck you.

You too.

Plot-ul este atata de complicat incat putem sa il comparam cu Snatch sau Lock stock and two smoking barrels. ce pot spune este ca totul se rezolva in jurul unui manuscris care contine secrete explosive de stat that nobody gives two togs of a dead dog about. Not even the russians. Sneaky fucks. Probabil pentru ca CD-ul era pana la urma pentru mac or something si pentru ca tipa a mintit cand a zis ca este pentru PC.

My point is, in essence ca this movie is one of the greatest things you’ll ever see until people manage to invent some sort of strange computer generated interactive porn that we can only dream. A place where there’s only you and a world of CG women who never bitch sau pe care nu le doare capul.

Anyway…….

Personajele sunt din nou similare cu clasicul guy-noir de-al lui Guy Ritchie cu tot felul de personaje colorate de la avocati similari cu Jaba, tipa fara sani si foarte frustrata care intr-un final isi gaseste o operatie sponsorizata de guvern (there, i spoiled the ending), Gabriel din Constantine as a hard boiled orrible-fucking-cunt of a wife who, even though MILFy is still a horrible fucking cunt with a cold heart. George clooney who is the type of person who shoots Brad Pit in the face and who decides to build a home-made sex swing in his basement for his wife and random  women he meets on the internet, has a twitchy face, a seemingly nice wife who writes child’s books but is in fact a horrible fucking cunt and should be shot. By children.

Mai avem pe Brad pit as a utter face fucked idiot on a stick with a iFail in his brain and a iPod in his ears.

Un fost-preot care  conduce o sala de sport pentru domnisoare peste 80 de ani contabile la firme de avocatura si alte personaje similar colorate de catre un copil retardat de 5 ani care nu stie ce e ala un contur (ponder on that daca vrei dar i just felt like writing it  si it doesn’t mean a thing). Omul asta mi-a placut si i could relate to him. Of course in the end he gets thoroughly fucked with a axe and shot in the heart by a drunk! frustrated! analyst who is going through a very rough divorce right now.

Goddamnit.

The one thing one can learn from this great movie e ca umorul e mai bine sec, si al 2-lea lucru( care era de fapt primul care vroiam sa il scriu but felt like the other one had a great point too so i decided to save the best for last is):

Women are orrible fucking cunts down to the last. Even if yhey do write childs books.

Goddamnit.

Written by CyberFaust

Noiembrie 24, 2008 la 11:13 pm

Postat in Random ramblings

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  1. funny xD

    Ralphie Retard

    Aprilie 22, 2009 at 12:10 am


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